Movies, as we know them, have been ruined for me.

It's not like they weren't ruined before, but I did a much better job of ignoring the fact. Before, I was able to accept the creeping intrusion of pre, pre-pre, and pre-pre-pre-show entertainment; while I fought for good seats with people who you just knew were going to talk throughout the whole damn movie anyway.

Now, I am sitting in a darkish theater, waiting for ‘Superman Returns’ to start, having arrived either too late or far too early for the show. No one else is here, and you would think that I could use the time effectively to gather thoughts, or even write this little blog entry for Movienight. The problem, of course, being that I can not focus for more than five-seconds to collect a single thought. I think the volume of “Movie Songs and News” is slowly increasing, but my paranoia about the fact would be just as likely. I have listened to five-percent of a song from ‘The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift’ approximately 500 times as “Movie Songs and News” cycles through pop culture like "It's a Small World"[the ride] does planet earth.

Now people are starting to arrive, and the pre-pre show just began. Teenagers are redefining how I look at cheerleading.

And yes there are commercials. And yes there are infomercials. And yes all of this balder-all coupled with the fact that I just know the movie is going to disappoint [update: BOY did it disappoint], has ruined movies and the movie-going experience for me. The more they paint these films and theaters up like some Photoshopped tart, the more I am likely to skulk off once I see the place in brighter light. Going to the movies these days always reminds me of that first time realization that the bartender who was flirting with me just wanted money. No one goes home with the bartender.

And then we come to the point-- the locale really. Not only did I spend several very pleasant evenings in the Coolbaugh's backyard. Not only did I enjoy the taste of beer, the quality of the conversation, and my own inability to play darts. But I enjoyed the movie. I enjoyed the build-up to the movie. I enjoyed picking the film, helping setup the outdoor venue, and even debating Davis on matters of water, electricity, and dogshit. The picture - cued up on Ben's back and displayed next to the bathroom window - was bright, the sound was exceptional, and I think everyone enjoyed being able to like or dislike ‘The Usual Suspects.’ When I had to go to the bathroom, it was right there. And I do mean right there. When I wanted food or beer. It was right there too. And in that setting, telling someone to shut the fuck up and watch the film is a reasonable request, not fighting words.

Bereft of all the other bullshit surrounding the movie, all you are left with is the movie. And with nothing to cover up a sucky choice, the vast majority of Movienight picks have been winners. If everyone was forced to watch movies in Movienight fashion, we would have far fewer crappy films.

So while I am sitting here waiting for ‘Superman Returns’ to send me home with my tail between my legs, I can not help but think of The Backyard. I can no longer ignore the fact that I have come to hate going to the movies, and to being set up for a teasin' by some dolled-up theater showing a ten-dollar thrill. Last I sat in a room as dark and plush as this, someone offered me a back rub for twenty.

But here and now, stimulated by epileptic/family entertainment, the babies are crying, the teenagers are yapping, and their parents are studiously ignoring them both.

I'm not kidding. No one will shut up.

Movienight forever.

Dave